My Survivor

My Survivor
The story of my daughter's tornado experience told threw my eyes

 It was a very normal Sunday.  I was playing my on-line game and hoping the thunderstorm would politely go around us.  As it neared I was finally forced to shut down the computer system and go downstairs to listen to the weather band radio.  We had a TV in the lowest room with radar, which we monitored from time to time.  Dad and I kept walking out on the front porch and at one point joked about the hail.  I remember sending my friend Jeff in Chicago a text telling him I was sending him some killer storms.  That was right before my world changed.
 News came in that St.Johns hospital was hit by a tornado.  This was my wake up call.  The storm had produced a tornado and now there was proof that it had hit Joplin.  I ran upstairs to google the hit.  Sure enough there was a lonely blog with a crude picture of St. Johns and the debris from the disaster.  I called my ex-wife (Melody) to make sure she and my daughter (Autumn) were OK.  No answer.  I texted, "are you guys OK?  please let me know".   I waited.   At 6:19PM I wrote "news says St. Johns Hospital on 26th was leveled by a tornado", as my Facebook status. I waited some more, while I paced and listened to the radio broadcasting weather.  I sent her another text and waited.

Ben Shiftys First Run

The Trim

The Trim

I culled you out because you looked strong
please do not go forth and prove my system wrong
I want to use you
Bend you
Shape you
You will be scarred
You will be tweaked
The change, swift
Leaving no trace
You are not mine
But we are connected just the same
As i am the master-you are the game
Finished product
Looks so unreal
We did it all
Without having to beg, borrow or steal

Jimbo
11-09-05

©All copyrights remains with the author

The Transitional Phase

The Transitional Phase

Lost in imagination
I drift across this land
Ignoring my needs
For as long as i can
Breech the inner passage
Hold onto the night
I sense my minds core
And something isn't right
What was my last real thought?
When did it fade away?
Why are my memories failing?
Where is the light that shows the way?
Starting to go unconscious
Need to stay awake
Do not understand my own
Thought processes
What is solid?
What is fake?
Incredibly numb
And just as relaxed
My threshold for life
Is all but maxed
Loosing all
So hard pressed
Coherent
Barely
Dying
I guess
I am no longer an entity
My soul has headed back
All around me silence
Flat line
Black

Jimbo
10-25-05
8am

©All copyrights remains with the author

About My Mom

About My Mom

what will you do when there is no one
left to tell whats wrong or whats right?
what will you do when there is no one
left within your sight?
what will happen when no one
cares what you say?
how many faces
can you wear in one day?
misery and dismal scenes
make up what your about
the line was crossed
I shut you down
now your longevity
is in certain doubt
my tolerance for your shit
has about reached its end
the wounds left in your wake
can never mend
Ive lost all respect for you
gimme a break
(I am threw!)

Jimbo
10-02-05

©All copyrights remains with the author


(if you know her you understand, if you don't be glad)

The Inward Feeling

The Inward Feeling

inwardly thinking
how strange it must be
time seems to stand still
yet moves just the same
awkwardly feeling
i don't seem to mind
my life has changed
at some point gotten lame
disastrous outcome
disassembly of thought
i wade threw metaphors
then tend to pick them apart
reasons are relative
eggshells are dropped
i walk across them
trying not to piss people off
mix up the potion
drink it down in relief
pull out the razor
cut myself to breathe
as i wonder threw my pity
with not a word to say
my ideas are morbid
for tomorrow and today
the voices tell me so much
ideas and visions better left unknown
bent and twisted half-truths
that chill me to the bone
with a sudden flip of the switch
they turn on the light
despondent and gruesome
thoughts i have to fight
the voices are my conflict
they are looking for release
death or sanity's end
are the ends that can make them cease

jimbo
10-01-05

©All copyrights remains with the author

A Real Occurrence

"A Real Occurrence"

i was with my buddy
and his beautiful wife
driving to Tulsa
drinking some beers
oh, what a life
drank some more brews
and ate some grub
got right with the world
then entered the club
C.O.C. was playing
i was getting lit
peeled off my shirt
and jumped in the pit
exhausted and sweaty
by the time it was done
moshing that night
was so much fun
i got into the car
with my cramps
and my pain
watching the windshield
as it got pelted with rain
in the backseat
is where i laid
it didn't take long
as i started to fade
i woke up surprised
as it was storming quite strong
my decision to leave
my trucks' windows down
proved to be wrong
we got to his breezeway
drenched to the bone
was hoping the rain
would die down
before the drive home
some moth-like motion
caught my sight
it was in the corner of the ceiling
in very little light
i walked over and caught it
with hands gentle and soft
to our amazement
it was not a big moth
in my open hands
its emerald wings
were outstretched
we all couldn't believe
this was a humming bird
i had fetched
it sat in my hands
tired from flight
it had been trapped there
all threw the night
i took it from that place
held it under the eve
with a million flaps of its wings
it then took its leave

Jimbo
7-1-05

©All copyrights remains with the author

Lost My Mind

Lost My Mind

Somewhere in route
I lost my mind
Didn't know it was gone
So it was all left behind
Memories of my lifetime
I read them like a book
Chapters of dark secrets
Still i am afraid to look
To this day i do travel
All within my soul
Digging everyday deeper
For the feelings that she stole
I can get along without them
Full of bitter and resent
As the bile in my stomach rises
I'll explode if i do not vent
I try to stay away from hatred
Yet it follows me around
In my fight for sanity
I feel I'm loosing ground

Jimbo
5-18-05

©All copyrights remains with the author

My Plight

My Plight

what is it i need to do
to be loved by you?
who is it i need to be
for you to be in love with me?
i try so hard, not to be strange
i have tried so much to make the change
why am i not accepted for who i am?
why is it that nobody seems to give a damn?
my feelings are so real
even when locked deep inside
why am i belittled
when i do confide?
is there anyone out there
who can tell me why I'm wrong?
can nobody give me the guidance
that I've needed for so very long?
maybe my idea of love
is nothing more than thin air
maybe all that say they do
do not actually care
shall i give up my almighty search?
call it quits as i fall from this perch?
no answers i can find
with my paper and pen
no amount of memory loss
will keep me from where I've been
the anger in me is so hard to subside
the rage takes over
the moment i tried
a plethora of dead emotions
in the wake of this plight
the fire in my heart
no longer shines so bright
again i ask-
what is it i need to do
to be loved by you?

--Jimbo--
2-27-05
12:35AM

©All copyrights remains with the author

The Field That The Road Divides

The Field That The Road Divides

Two strand
Rust colored wire
Barbs dull from time
Weathered, old
Hedge post
Anchored, leaning
To one side
Golden field
Glows unmowed
In the winter sun
Recent rains offerings
Earth emulsified
So far from dried
I stare around
A view of nothing
But still amazed
Just another
Blink of the eye at
The field that the road divides

--jimbo--
wed. 2-16-05
(11:45AM)

©All copyrights remains with the author

That Word

That Word

If I could have one wish
I know what it would be
I'd want to invent the next cuss word
And I'd want it credited to me
A word so filthy & nasty
So descriptive & vile
Could be used so many ways
And would exaggerate my style
When said aloud
People would gasp
The old faint
The young laugh
The mere thought of the word
Will make folks turn red
They will cover their ears
From what I just said
With one shout of that word
Mans blood will boil
Humanity will suffer
From all of the turmoil
Yes that is my wish
And I hope it comes true
Because the world needs
A new cuss word
And that is my view 

jimbo
12-10-04

©All copyrights remains with the author

The Perfect Crime

The Perfect Crime

The perfect crime
She got away with my heart
I watched her take it
Betraying me from the start
I didn't feel anything
As she tore my feelings apart
When we were together
I felt like I could fly
She made me feel so good
Made me feel so high
When I finally crashed
My insides all but died
I felt my chest open
Yet no blood was spilled
Left was an open cavity
Where love once filled
She didn't act alone
For first I had to yield

jimbo
12-09-04

©All copyrights remains with the author

My Spite

My Spite

A watered down me
And I am to blame
I listened & toned down
But now I feel lame
If I said I could
I guess I lied
I know I can't do it
'Cuz I tried
I think the decision
Is yours to make
Like me as I am
I will not be fake
Loud, loyal, insane
And outspoken
I'll tell you straight up
I know I am broken
Attitude problem?
Probably true
Inflated ego?
What can I do?
I won't sell myself out
Inner peace all I have
Spite myself again
Yet all I do is laugh


Jimbo
12-08-04

©All copyrights remains with the author

Disassociation

Disassociation

Someone tell me
Where to begin
I am so far
From where I've been
I don't know where I am
But what can I do?
It is so hard
To start again new
Sometimes I am at a loss for words
Just don't know what to say
Tired of the game
Don't even want to play
Deal me out
'Cuz I am done
It's no longer worth it
It's no longer fun
I think I will blow off
A week or two
Maybe even all next year
This game ate me up
Now I no longer care
This path I chose
Has lead me astray
Colorless void
My world grey
Don't feel sorrow
I made my own bed
I don't feel bad
For things I've said
Disassociation is now
My only friend
Loyal to no-one
And I won't bend!


jimbo
12-8-4

©All copyrights remains with the author

Ode to a Cockroach

Ode to a Cockroach

You are such a nasty creature
That is not a lie
If I could just catch you
You would surely die
You scurry around so quickly
Without an ounce of fret
You seem to think I like you
As though you are my pet
If I could I'd smash you
Like a pancake, oh so flat
Then sweep you inconspicuously
Under the welcome mat
I can't be alone here
For you will not leave me be
Because you like to prance around
For everyone to see
So now that you've multiplied
I cannot seem to stay ahead
I see you in the bathroom
I see from my bed
Someday I will move out
And you will win the fight
The only way to not see you
Is to turn off all the lights

--jimbo--
11-30-04

©All copyrights remains with the author

About a Truck

About a Truck

I have a passion inside me
Some call it just a thrill
It gets my juices flowing
When I am climbing a steep hill
I feel her body articulate
Almost more than she can bare
I take it up a notch
As I shift into low gear
She's not built exactly like I'd like her
But I love her just the same
Together we battle obstacles
For us it's just a game
We share the same interests
In the mud or on a rock
She isn't as pretty as her siblings
Since she's so far from stock
I laugh when people say they want her
Because I know she is only mine
I hope we are together
Til the end of time
You may think I am a little crazy
For my feelings for my truck
I don't even have enough fingers
To count the times we've gotten stuck
I like to see her topless
Even better with no doors
I don't hold it against her
'Cuz of the holes in her floor
We have frolicked in the water
Spun our wheels in Midland
Been to the arch in St. Louis
And the west Texas sand
I bought her a face lift
Made her look younger than the rest
Installed a new front axle
Figured it was for the best
Rebuilt her original motor
A 350 with a bore
New Edlebrock intake and carb
And so many goodies more
I know others do not feel this way
For them she is an ugly sight
I'm only paying homage
As I try to shed some light
She is my '75 Blazer
To her I am the man
What is the price of love?
For me it was a grand

-jimbo-
11-30-04

©All copyrights remains with the author

Xtranormal Video

The Chaotic Bard

my Xtranormal video